where to start

So where do I start...I'm 23 years old, divorced, and the mother of two amazing little girls. I've never felt the urge to post a blog or do anything like this before but I hear it's a good way to clear your mind and release unwanted stress so why not. I have no idea where to start or how to begin to even explain who I am....maybe that's because I'm not really sure myself. I guess I can start with who I used to be...I was your typical nerd in elementary school and even into junior high. I was a straight A student, loved school, always looking for any extra credit work to do, didn't really care what the other kids thought or said I buried myself in stories and writing and art. I was the quiet girl nobody really knew anything about and I liked it that way. I kept to myself and didn't really have to many friends atleast not real one's. I went to a private school until I hit 8th grade, some would say I had a pretty sheltered childhood and thats probably true. My first year at a public school was when everything changed. I went from being all about school to being all about everything else. I was in GT classes and hell I was even on the octathalon team at my junior high but it wasn't for me anymore. It was for my parents and teachers. I'm the type of person who does things to make other people happy even if I'm not. But I'm working on changing that. I met three of my best friends that first year of public school, I married one of em and the other two...well their two of the best people you'll ever meet. I never would've guessed we'd be where we are now but that's just life I guess. High school was pretty much the same thing....I cared more about guys and having fun than I did about studying or even showing up to classes. Don't get me wrong I still loved art and english and learning I just got side tracked by stupid high school drama. I fell for all the wrong guys and stupid lines. High school was a mess ...for a while my art and writing was an outlet for all the bullshit I went through but after a while I just stopped. I got pregnant my sophomore year of high school and that was a mess...everyone had something to say or an opionion about my life. I only made it to about 10 weeks and then had a miscarriage over the summer. That next year was more drama and stupid shit. I finally dropped out mid year and moved into an apartment with one of my best friends from junior high. We got pregnant with our first kid about 5 months later. I look back at how we used to be and the relationship we had and I can't even understand how we got to this place that we're at now. He was my best friend, my protector, we had a love and respect for each other back then. There's times that I'm pretty sure this whole mess was my fault but idk...Our relationship was up and down always split up then back together than split up again. I don't think either one of us was ever really happy ...he wanted me to be someone I wasn't and I wanted the same thing out of him. By the time we had our second kid our relationship had turned into a nightmare. He was always wasted and angry...always cheating and lieing...i don't remember one night when i didn't cry myself to sleep just praying for a way to get out of that mess. Then finally one day he came home for lunch, sat me down and gave me his house key, said he'd met someone else and that it was different with her. I remember the anger and hate i felt that day, I still carry a little bit of it inside me now. I can't even describe all the emotions I felt that day, a million different feelings coming at me all at the same time. Its taken me a long time to get where I am right now....sadly. There's days that I just want to give up and days that I can't imagine my life being any other way. I'm still a big mess of emotions and feelings but I'm trying to sort it all out. Im trying to get back to that person I was before....the quiet, nerdy girl nobody understood, the girl who wanted to do and see it all and didn't care what anyone had to say. I know that persons still inside me, and I know I'm stronger and more determined than ever to leave a mark on this world.